To forgive is the most freeing thing you can do. It allows you to take control. To be the driver in your own life again. When something traumatic happens or when someone hurts you, it’s easy to blame it all on them but at some stage you have to take the responsibility for your own life and stop allowing them to live it for you. It’s not easy but when you stop them controlling you and leading your story you can become you again. It gives you incredible power. The perpetrator is no longer, they are a distant memory, a memory you will never forget but a memory that doesn’t take focus anymore. It’s incredibly liberating.
Don’t get me wrong it has taken me 20 years to get here and some days are better than others. When my anxiety strikes I blame him or I go back to what happened and allow memories to take over my feelings. Now I know my triggers, if I feel bad I say to myself that it’s okay, I’m having a bad day and I make people around me aware. Before I came forward, I wasn’t able to do this, so my bad days turned into my every day and then eventually normality.
I now understand that what he did was wrong and I do not blame myself anymore. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and holding onto his actions, allowing him to rule my life, I decided to forgive him and take back control. Once I forgave him regardless of whether he ever admits what he did or apologises, he will not control me. I will not be his victim.
I accept that I am who I am because of him, but instead of putting a negative on it, I believe it has made me the person | am today, I am stronger, I am more vigilant, I love harder and I am the best mum I can be.
He will always be there, he will never go but I use the hatred and anger now for the better.
To you, I am no longer your victim. I am now a survivor and I forgive you.
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