By Chloe-May Cuthill
The word innocence to me means someone who isn’t ready to know what certain things mean. We call children innocent; they are, they are yet to know what the world entails, what hidden beauties they have yet to discover but also what kind of evil is out there. We don’t tell them because we don’t want to scare or have “that” conversation, but most of the time we don’t tell them of all the evil and disasters that we face on a day-to-day basis because we don’t want to take away their innocence of how they see the world and people around them.
Unfortunately, innocence can be taken from some children far to early. Mine was. I lost mine to a paedophile. He was a trusted man within the community and with my family. He took something I can never get back and with that sparked problems during my teen years and my early 20s. These problems are now with me to this day and I am working through them. I allowed what had happened to me define who I was, to determine where I was going in my career, how I was interacting with my peers and how I trusted in my relationships. It was taking over my life without me even realising it.
No child should learn about sex at the age of 9 from experiencing it. My innocence being taken from me at such an early age, led to experimenting and becoming sexualised before I even started my period and before I knew what it meant to be with a boy my own age. This led to issues with relationships. I disliked men, I tarnished them all with the same brush. All men were after one thing and that was sex. I never connect with them, they quite literally meant nothing to me. Of course, I didn’t know this at the time, I was blind to how my abuse was affecting me and my relationships. It was a lonely way of living put it that way. Him taking something from me so early on ruined my experiences.
Something like innocence and the unknown should stay with a child for as long as it can. I know that my daughter will understand certain things but I will also try to keep that innocence and that purity alive for as long as possible, having said that I also know that I will educate her on the world and how to be safe.
In the news lately it has been about the tragic murder of Sarah Everard and women have reached out over social media to share their own experiences of sexual violence and sexual abuse. I have seen a lot of posts about how we should educate our children and how we should be educating boys and men on how to keep girls and women safe.
I believe the lack of education is the vast reason why sexual abuse and sexual violence still happens and is at its highest right now.
If we were to bring classes or seminars into schools to teach boys and girls about sexual abuse and sexual violence and how it affects them and will certainly affect them as they grow up and move home, go to college, get their first job and become parents themselves we can start a domino effect. We teach what we learn, it’s that simple.
If I had been in a class room when I was younger being taught certain strategies of how to deal with my abuse and how to get help, I would have told someone a long time ago. If I had come forward then I would be in a completely different place to where I am now.
I know this won’t be the end of the problem but it’s a start. We need to teach children how to cope with their feelings, how to handle what has happened to them and teach them how to manage it if and when it does arise. That includes helping children with their urges and how to stop themselves if they feel the need or want to sexual harass or sexual assault another person, teaching them to understand those feelings and how to stop and control them. We need to make them aware that they can reach out if something has happened or is happening and to reassure them that they will be safe and they will be believed. If we teach children strategies and educate them, we can eventually try and stop sexual abuse and violence altogether.
I wish I could tell 9-year-old Chloe that it will be okay, that she will survive and she will pull through, I wish I could tell her that it’s not all men, it’s only a few and the good ones want to help you, heal you, take care of you and protect you. I wish I could tell her not to be scared. I wish I could hug her.
I am so determined not to allow another child lose their innocence to a paedophile; it isn’t fair to have that taken away. I will write books, I will write on my socials and I will try and get my voice heard by continuing to educate and share my story. It only takes one voice to echo millions and I really hope people listen.
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